I moved a large marble table to get the perfect framing. I moved the lever back and forth endlessly until I was certain the focus was perfect. But when I pulled the tab on the polaroid, the film came out sliding on the emulsion and a gooey, unfortunate, light-leaking mess.
Not so perfect.
On New Year’s Day, an informal survey of Facebook status updates revealed that 2009 was not all that popular. A year that could “eat me,” in some circles. A year worthy of warnings to not the let door slam its ass on the way out. That sort of year. But in between the you-suck’s and middle fingers, came a quieter and more gentle voice. An “I liked you, 2009” and “You were one of my favorites.”
Me, I stand firmly on the sidelines, not knowing what to think. In many ways, I feel the dizzying blur of having been spun from the hand of my dance partner to the edge of the dance floor after a very, very long night of dancing. For me, 2009 was busy and in constant flux, unpredictable and tiring. But in that constant flow of change, I was consistently thrust into the arms of another, better opportunity. Almost effortlessly, just like a dance.
It would have been perfect if only I wasn’t working so much. If only I’d had a few more weeks of vacation, a few more stops along the way and seen a few more familiar faces. If only there had been fewer hiccups and shifting sands. A few more deep breaths. If only there had been a little more time to do the things I set out to do when the year began. But then there was Tokyo. And great new opportunity. And many familiar faces. And my heart wide, wide open.
It was a year that didn’t feel very perfect at the time. But here I am standing precisely one million miles from where I stood in January 2009, and for that alone, the past year looks pretty perfect to me.
spot on lady. spot on.
damn. really good stuff here.
Happy 2010 Stephanie!
Imperfection could be a part of perfection, I guess sometimes.
There is a saying in Japanese that if it ends well all is good ;)
yup yup. i’ve come to the conclusion that 2009 was definitely not my best year yet, or nearly the worst. but it was, quietly, a very very good one.
I am totally with you. I think often if we look at it from a different perspective we find that the past isn’t all that bad. My 2009 was pretty great…even though nothing much happened.
I always tell my students that their work needs to be ugly for awhile, for it to get really good. it won’t be great without that awkward part.
I think life is sort of like that too.
it sounds perfect.
i love your words.
i love your words. so good.
What a beautiful post. I love the way you tell a story.
Impressive how you crystallize concepts.
I think you’re ‘not so perfect’ shot is beautiful because of the light leak’s and the emulsion’s contribution.
The whole process…
which I think is what you were wholly conveying.
2009 was fine–
2010, embolden.